I don't need saving
by justice-and-spiders
Summary: Humanstuck. Terezi Pyrope just wants to live a normal life like everyone else. TW suicide.


Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you really don't think you can take it anymore. You are at the end of your first year of high school. Previously, you were homeschooled from the age of six by your older sister because she didn't think you could manage in school with your 'disability'. You thought that was ridiculous, and that is why you begged to go to school and be just like a normal girl. But you regretted everything you said.

The words felt like stabs, constantly wounding you. They broke you down slowly until there was nothing left. Your sister says you're a strong girl and you fake a smile and agree. After those first few weeks of school you had always pretended you were okay so she didn't have to worry. Nobody has to worry about you, you're strong, right?

The names ring in your head and repeat over and over. Each time hurts a little more. The girls in school laugh at you, mimic you; you can tell. If it was them on the other side, surely they'd understand.

You've tried doing it many times but never had the guts to finish it off. You can hang your stupid dragon plushes and yet you can't do it to yourself. You're a coward. Or maybe you just don't think you deserve it.

When your sister returns from work she's always with her friends, and they're all so happy together. You wish you were as amazing as her. She has everything from looks to style, body, friends and the perfect eyes. She isn't afraid of anything. You don't think you will ever be like her. You'll never get the body you want, or the friends, or that radical personality.

When you were younger your sister took you to the park every so often to play with the other children. In reception you didn't have many friends so she thought this plan was great. This was when you met your first friend, Vriska Serket. You two made sure you saw each other everyday after that, exploring nearby forests or annoying other kids.

She was a little more ambitious than you and wanted to do the biggest adventure you two had dealt with. You didn't want to do it (because admittedly you were scared) so you firmly told her no. This made her angry but she let you walk away, a huge mischievous grin on her face.

That night when your mum, sister and you were sound asleep a fire started in the kitchen. Immediately your mum and sister awoke. Your sister carried you out while your mother found it difficult with the fumes and choking smoke. She never made it out on time. Sadly, you were left blinded after that incident. The police finished the case saying someone must have left the oven on but you knew it was something - no, somebody - else.

You didn't talk to Vriska anymore after. She found new friends and you stayed indoors as much as you could and kept to yourself. Your sister got a part time job at the comic book store to earn money while also homeschooling you and teaching you how to use your other senses to look around such as taste and smell. She bought you red, pointed glasses and a walking cane with a dragon atop. She was nothing but nice to you, but you felt so alone and you couldn't see and there was nothing but darkness surrounding you.

Your first week in school was getting worse everyday. You told your sister, she called school, but this gave the bullies more reason to pick on you. Vriska was the main bully and what she said goes. Everybody loved her. All but one, however. His name was Karkat Vantas and he stood up for you. You became best friends in no time. For once, you thought things were getting better for you.

He moved halfway across the country months later. Those walls he built around you crumbled down. The names you two laughed at hurt you again. You silently walked home from school that day and grabbed a pack of pills from the cabinet. You wanted so desperately to swallow them all before your sister arrived but as you opened the lid you heard the key go into the lock. You quickly threw the pills back in the cabinet and walked to your room.

Your sister has no idea about what's going on anymore. As far as she knows the problem was solved when she called school school that one time. You think it's better that way. After all, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

You didn't go to school today because you pretended to be ill. Your sister handed you some tablets and kept you in bed, saying there was some soup in the cupboard before leaving for work. You tossed the tablets in the bin and sighed, making your way to the kitchen to get yourself a warm bowl of soup.

For the rest of the day you stayed in your bedroom and slept the day away, tightly hugging your dragon plush, Pyralsprite. You loved all of your plushes from Berrybreath to Lemonsnout because you could tell them anything without the worry of them laughing at you. They always had a way of making you feel safe, secure.

At school the teachers nag at you because of the amount of work you're producing in lessons. You say you're learning as fast as you can. The class throw rude remarks at you and the teachers never do anything about it. You roll your eyes and pretend it doesn't bother you. You're very good at pretending, you think.

Fake a smile, fake the happiness, pretend you're fine, pretend nothing is wrong and pretend that the words don't hurt. You're so good at faking it all, you don't think you're the same girl you were months ago. You're not even sure you know who you are anymore.

To whoever finds this note,  
I'm sorry. I can't take this anymore. I've tried. I really have but it's all been too much. I wish I'd been a better person and then maybe none of this would have happened. I didn't want it to come to this but all of the contsant bullying has given me no choice.

Latula, I never wanted to tell you because you had enough on your plate without my own problems on top. I know you always had trouble finding a job at such a young age because you were determined to keep me from going to a care home. And it's still hard for you to get the money. I thought (and began searching) about getting a job but reminded myself that there was no point. Nobody wants the blind girl handling their court cases or their money or their clothing. It's okay though. Move in with your boyfriend, take life easy and never look back. You don't have to worry about sparing the money to support me. I'm no longer going to be pulling you down snd stopping you from doing what you've always wanted to do.

Karkat, I don't think I can ever thank you enough. You were the only person who knew something was wrong with me and actually cared. You sat with me in lessons and at lunch and you talked to me after school and I was finally seeing the light again after so many years of fading into the dark. You taught me to laugh at life and always look on the bright side. That was when I realised that you were the bright side. And when you moved away that bright side grew dimmer until all that was left was darkness once more. I'm not trying to put you through a guilt trip or anything, what I want to say if it wasn't for you I'd have been gone a long time ago.

Vriska, I let myself drown in the lies you told me and that caused me to do such stupid things and I only have myself to blame. When we were younger, I was sure you were a lovely girl and our friendship was something special. Now I know. It was you who burned my house down. My sister always blamed herself for it but all along it was Miss Innocent. You've caused all of my pain, Vriska. However, I am not angry with you. I am angry because I forgive you.

Mum, I know we never had much of a relationship with you being so busy with your job and me only knowing you for five years. I just want to say that I'm sorry for making friends with Vriska and then making her burn our house. I'm sorry that Latula saved only me and more importantly, I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment to you. I remember telling Latula when I was younger that I would always grow up in your footsteps and be a great lawyer and she would mess my hair up and tell me I could be whatever I wanted to. I didn't think this was what she meant.

I don't want anyone to worry about me. Don't plan a funeral because honestly I'm not worth it. And don't try to find me because there's so much more you could be doing with your time; don't waste it on me. I'm only asking for you to do one thing: move on. That's what I'm going to do.

- Terezi Pyrope.

You set the note on the bedside table and grabbed a noose from inside your wardrobe. A yellow dragon plush fell out; Lemonsnout. You picked him up and placed him gently on the bed. Saying goodbye to Pyralsprite and Lemonsnout, Pucefoot and Berrybreath, Honeytongue and all the rest of your dragons, you shoved the noose into your bag.

You said goodbye to Latula, telling her you were going out for a walk. She asked how long and you replied with a shrug. She nodded and hugged you, telling you to be safe and be home soon. You walked out of the door without saying another word.

-  
Your name is Latula Pyrope and your sister hasn't come home yet and it's beginning to get darker. You wondered if she had silently gone to her room without you knowing, or maybe she's just at a friends place.

"Terezi?" you called. No reply. She could be sleeping, but to be certain you carefully walked into her room as quiet as possible. Surprisingly, she wasn't there, instead was a pile of dragon plushes and a note on her bedside table written in teal, adressed to 'whoever finds this note'.

The police arrived soon. You, shaking and with tears running down your cheeks, told them about what happened. They sent out a search party and soon got to work. You decided you would help them look as well and handed over a photo of her before leaving to search. With Terezi being secretive over the year you don't have any idea of where she could be.

You looked all over town, through the park and in school but there was no sign of the redhead. You asked around but nobody had seen her. You were running out of ideas apart from the forest around the outskirts of town. It was nervewracking being alone in the forest so late but you weren't going to give up knowing your younger sister could be out there somewhere.

You've been searching for well over an hour by now. Many thoughts rung through your head but you didn't want to believe them. You hanged your head low and thought it best to leave it to the police.

Your name is Latula Pyrope and you've never felt so alone.


End file.
